life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
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Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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