My underwear smells like fireworks.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
