Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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