Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Alive.
So much puke
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize