Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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