Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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