hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
