i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
