I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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