I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
