I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
