I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
