Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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