Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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