I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
