Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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