Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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