Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My dick has a subreddit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
