oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
