glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
