Kiss
Puke
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
