remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
