Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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