At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize