i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
