yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
