I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
