Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I didn't notice because vodka
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
