At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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