I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
