I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
