She is in my trunk
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
