just survived the first fart of the relationship.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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