i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
