stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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