Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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