I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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