I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
