eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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