fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
