There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
