I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
