when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
