If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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