yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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