OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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