the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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