Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
