This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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