Please, let me fuck your mom
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
