Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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