That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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