i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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