Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
