Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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