What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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