Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
