So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
