There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
