honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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