so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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