i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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