it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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