Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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