Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize