He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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