tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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