You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
