i can't believe i had my finger in that
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
