We're facebook friends in real life
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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