i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
