Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
