everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
