Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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