i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
50% drunk capacity currently
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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