I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
