Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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