He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
