She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
