yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it's like iHOP with fire
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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