Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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