so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
